My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
