Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
