i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
