He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
