Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
