Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
