sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
