Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
