Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
