If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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