Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
