I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
