An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
