I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
