don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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