Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
