You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
