My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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