More tranny stories later!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
