Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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