Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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