I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
