$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
