If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
