if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
