bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
