No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
