i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
