I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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