Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
