I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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