Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
