woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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