College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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