mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
