38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
