I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
