I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
