I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
