How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
