Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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