There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
