Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
