I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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