By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
