There was a lot of him and a little penis
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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