You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you will always have a special place in my vag
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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