dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
