Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
