So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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