my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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