I wannas sexs uuuuu
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
