All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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